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How to Totally Reinvent Yourself - Tucker Max on Impact Theory

I spent the summer between my 2nd and 3rd year of college suckling on the parental teat in South Florida. It was the absolute prime of my "do anything to get laid" phase. I was recently freed from a 4-year long-distance relationship that began in high school and I wanted nothing more than to have sex with as many girls as possible. Most of the things I did that summer are not story-worthy; you can only tell the same, "I got drunk on Dom and fucked this hottie" story so many times before it gets annoying. That summer I experienced every random sex situation that a 20 year old can imagine: fucking on the beach, getting head from random girls in club bathrooms, sleeping with 3 different girls in a day, getting so drunk I passed out during sex, getting arrested for receiving fellatio in the pool at the Delano, blah, blah, blah What does it say about how fucked up my life is that I don't consider these stories to be extraordinary anymore? Anyway, while most of my stories may not be extraordinary for me, there is one very notable exception

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Your back fat could have its own bra! Look at yourself - you look like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup! She is not happy. She is also not skinny. Or attractive. She may not even be human.

May 17, Tucker Max's Culture War How the godfather of "fratire" went from chronicling his drunken sexual conquests to ghostwriting Tiffany Haddish's memoir. YOU ARE READING. Sloppy Seconds: The Tucker Max Leftovers Non-Fiction. Tucker Max's books-I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, Assholes Finish First, and Hilarity Ensues-are a uniquely engaging trilogy composed of his best, craziest metalstringsound.coms: 5. Tucker Max is the co-founder of Scribe Media, a company that helps you write, publish, and market your book. He's written four New York Times Best Sellers (three hit #1), which have sold over million copies worldwide.

By way of revenge, you posted my contact information on your site, leading to a steady stream of hate mail from your mouth-breathing, Neanderthal following.

No hard feelings, though - thanks for reading, trolls. Come ON.

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The mentality you popularized in your books was instrumental in creating increasingly disturbing misogynist cultural phenomenons that followed, from GamerGate to rape stand-up to fraternity banners like these. Read Next. Hannibal Buress: My show wasn't a good fit. On her ass cheeks.

Nov 06, Dear Tucker Max, Say it isn't so, bro! I thought you had crawled back under the rock from whence you came after the abject failure of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," the movie version. Watch Tucker Max Anal Sex porn videos for free, here on metalstringsound.com Discover the growing collection of high quality Most Relevant XXX movies and clips. No other sex tube is more popular and features more Tucker Max Anal Sex scenes than Pornhub! Browse through our impressive selection of porn videos in HD quality on any device you own. Watch Tucker Max porn videos for free, here on metalstringsound.com Discover the growing collection of high quality Most Relevant XXX movies and clips. No other sex tube is more popular and features more Tucker Max scenes than Pornhub! Browse through our impressive selection of porn videos in HD quality on any device you own.

On the small of her back. She turned her head, said, "Tucker, what are you doing? Watching her throw up on my bed made me vomit even more.

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Her vomiting all over my bed, me vomiting on her ass, the next step was almost inevitable. I heard the loud CRASH first, turned to see my friend break through the shutters and rip the closet door off as he, the video camera, and the door tumbled out of the closet and crashed onto the floor next to us:. The memory of the 2-second span where all three of us were vomiting at once is permanently seared into my brain.

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I have never heard anything like that symphony of sickness. It was like something out of the old Pink Panther movies. I think the crowning moment was when my eyes locked with Jaime's, I saw her moment of realization and then her quick shift from shock and surprise to complete and irreparable anger.

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Between bouts of hurling she flipped out:. She tried to stand up, slipped on the huge puddle of backflow AstroGlide on the bed, and fell into both my pile and her pile of vomit, covering her body and hair in vomit, shit and anal lubricant.

She flailed on the bed for a second, grabbed the top sheet, wrapped it around her, and started running out of my place.

Still naked and retching, my dick covered in shit and oil, I followed her as far as my front door. The last contact I ever had with her is the image I witnessed of her in a dead sprint, a shit, vomit and grease stained sheet stuck to her body, running from my apartment. The camera we used was one of those old fragile ones that filmed onto a VHS tape, and when he crashed out of the closet, the tape recorder and tape broke. It didn't occur to us at that the tape records the images magnetically, and we could take the actual tape itself and get someone to put it in another holster until after we had thrown it out.

I know it seems stupid now, and believe me I kick myself about it everyday, but you should have seen the apartment afterwards-the tape was not a high priority.

It was impossible to get the smell out. The next month was like living in a sewer. Every girl I brought back to my place after that refused to stay there, and some even refused to sleep with me anywhere because of how my place smelled.

What I never found out, and I still want to know, is how the girl got home. I never heard from her again, and the mutual friend who introduced us called her but didn't get her calls returned. I never heard anything about her or from her again, even though she left her clothes and ID at my place she wore a tight dress out that night, and didn't bring a purse or any money with her.

Tucker Max gives surprisingly good life advice

Can you picture that scene? What did she do, hop in taxi? Wave down a passing car?

Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue

Get on the bus? She lived at least 30 miles away, there is no way she walked home. It perplexes me to this day. Tucker Max is the co-founder of Scribe Media, a company that helps you write, publish, and market your book. He currently lives in Austin, Texas, with his wife Veronica and three children. Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue August 28, She was reluctant at first, not understanding why we just couldn't keep having normal sex, so I had to employ my persuasive powers: Jaime "But I've never done it.

I like normal sex. It's the new black. Though she agreed to let me put my penis in her small hole, she extracted a promise in return: "OK, we can try anal sex, but I want it to be special and romantic.

At 21, this seemed logical.

I stopped moving and stared at my strangely colored crotch for a good 5 seconds, completely confused, until I realized what happened: "Did you I'm hoping she reads this.

Maybe then I'll find out how she got home. Tucker Max.

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